People have been bugging me to finally write this down so here goes. None of the religions out there are working for me, so I have decided to start my own. Feel free to convert, since you are getting in on the ground floor, you have to bring your own pillows.
Basis of faith:
This is simple, to join you have to already be familiar with some theology. Everyone has to bring their holy book and we start from there. Our faith is in the blind men and the elephant vein. (See previous blogs for full description)We are all praying to the same God, but our limited, human minds can only see one portion of the totality that is God. Hopefully, together we can get a better picture. This is not just a One God theory, but SAME God theory.
Why is it on the news whenever they talk about the leader of Israel they use the word “prime minister’? That is an English word, I doubt they use the same word over there. It is because they are translating the word into something the viewer can understand. That is how religion works, faith was given to people in a way they understood. If you talked to a person from the Midwest and someone from the Middle Easy, you would talk to them differently because they are from different cultures. That explains some differences between theologies. We need to open discussion to see how these religions can be understood in a modern time and our current culture.
Ritual:
Honestly, current religions are too tied to traditions and rituals. I am not saying that ritual isn’t important, but when it gets to the point that you do it so often that it loses meaning, what is the point? People go to mass or temple and do rituals that they have no idea why. The person up front says to do something and they do it. I don’t believe that God listens to some people more because they sing, or listen to someone else because they kneel reverently for half the hour.
In my religion, there will be rituals and they will make sense. It won’t be the same exact ones every time so that it becomes automatic, we are going to mix it up. I want when one of the rituals comes up you think, “Awesome, I love doing this one.”
One such ritual will be smacking someone with your pillow. When a certain bell is rung, selected individuals get to smack someone with their pillow. You can’t tell me you won’t show up to service if you get a call the night before and are told that when the third time the bell rings you get to haul off and hit someone with your pillow.
Service:
Call it service, mass, or temple, whatever you call it this is building where we meet. The main floor will be open with pillows littering the floor. Along the outside wall will be couches and benches for people to sit. There will be chairs since some people like to have that arm rest divider between other people. The important thing is that people be comfortable. The only thing we ask is that you don’t make too much noise with the bean bag chairs.
There will not be a podium where the spiritual leader (me at first, but others later) talks down at the masses. If you pictures a current church, think of an open floor with seating along the sides, and the service leader sitting on the steps.
God is everywhere and has seen you naked, why are you dressing up to go worship? Show up in your PJs, I plan on it. Why would anyone wear a suit and tie to talk to God? We can be informal here. Now if you are one of those people that wear a tie to bed, feel free to dress comfortably, but it is in no way required.
Services will be a relaxed setting, we are coming together because we want to, not because we feel we have to. While it seems like you get to show up in PJs and lounge around on pillows there will be pretty heady topics discussed. We will be delving deep into spirituality and religion. I think a relaxed, comfortable setting will lend to that better.
Contact is not just allowed, but encouraged. Not in a weird creepy way, but if you are with a spouse or significant other, feel free to hold their hand or stroke their back. This is a place where we are expressing our love for God and fellow man (or fellow humans for your PC fuckos.) However, please keep full body massages to the corners. While kissing is okay, making out is a little excessive, this is informal, but not that informal.
Guiding rules:
Yes, there are rules because without rules you have anarchy. While I am okay with a little chaos to mix up the order, you can’t have a system based on anarchy. Every religion has rules whether it is 10 commandments, 5 pillars or whatever. Here are mine
1. Be good to yourself
2. Be good to other people
3. Respect me as your Lord
That is it. Everything can be broken down into those three simple rules. And the “respect me as your Lord” doesn’t mean ME specifically, it means God for those of you who think my ego is that big.
Those are the rules in a nutshell. Thou shall not steal, thou shall not kill, those fall under “Be good to other people.” See how easy it is? Just be good to other people and they will be good to you. There is a reason that “Be good to yourself” is first. You can’t be good to other people if you are not good to yourself first. You have to love yourself before you can truly love other people. If you don’t respect yourself, no one will respect you for you.
This is a lot to take in, so I will not give you the big points in the religion. Those may blow your mind, but here is what is important so pay very close attention. God wants you to be happy. I will say that again for the cheap seats, God wants you to be HAPPY. Life is not supposed to be spent feeling guilty and miserable, you only get limited time on this planet/plane of existence/whatever you are supposed to make the most of it. Life spans are limited so that we appreciate the time we have. If you are not living your life to the fullest, you are going against God’s plan.
Experience is what is important, not money. The guy making six figures but never enjoys it is far worse off that the barista who saves up her money and travels the world. At the end of your life, if you don’t have stories, you are wrong. And if your stories are, “Well this one girl kissed one of the guys at work, while she was still sleeping with some other guy from work on the side.” Seriously, those are not life experience stories, that is injected drama. Know the difference. And if your stories all start with, “I was so wasted…” Unless you have many stories and can put a different country right after that, you are living wrong.
Be good to yourself, live well, enjoy your life. That is God’s plan. However you should not live in a way that hurts other people. Don’t forget, you also have to be good to other people.
Sins:
Yes there are sins, but sins are more intent than action. If you steal a loaf of bread to feed your family that is one thing, stealing car stereos because you don’t want to make an honest living; that is a sin. Intent, not action.
Sex is not sinful. Again I repeat for emphasis, the ACT of sex is not sinful. The intent can be. If a person (male or female) just goes looking for sex with any willing warm body that is a sin. That violates “Be good to yourself.” However, if you meet someone and have a real connection should it matter if it the first date or the 20th? Be good to yourself, and be good to other people, that should guide that. If you, or the person you want to be with wants to wait until marriage, then you wait. That will be in line with the top two rules. Also remember that everyone joins the religion from another faith so if that is their following, we do not try to make people stray from the path they are on. The purpose of the religion is to show you how wide your path really is.
The seven deadly sins are not sins. Most things are not inherently sinful, unless taken to excess. You should love food, you should enjoy eating, but when taken to excess it becomes gluttony. Lust is not a bad thing per se, you should feel lustful for your spouse of 15 years. That doesn’t mean sleep with anyone who lets you, that would be sinful, but lusting after the one you love who loves you back is not a bad thing.
Greed, wrath, they all have their place. You should want stuff, you should want to work to get that stuff, just excessive greed is bad. We need wrath, can anyone imagine if post 9/11 we just said, “Turn the other cheek” or “love thy neighbor”? There are times when you should want a little payback. Terrorist bomb and embassy, we should kill them, but not kill everyone like them, just the ones guilty. Muslims are not bad, Muslim extremists are, just like Christian extremists. The KKK is just as bad as some of the other terrorists groups, they just work on a much smaller scale.
How is taking a day off a bad thing? Why is taking it easy wrong? In my religion, the services are based on sloth, so how can it be sinful? Spending all day in your jammies watching TV is not bad. When you do that for a couple months straight, you are not living. If you are not living, you are not being good to yourself, and therefore going against God’s plan which violates rules one and three of my religion.
Moderation is the key, not just in life, but in my religion.
Final thoughts:
So what is it called? It is MY religion. Not just mine, but your religion as well. When someone asks you what your beliefs are, just say, “I have ‘my’ beliefs.” When asked what church you go to say, “I go to ‘my’ church.” Religion is individual, just like your relationship with God. And that is the entire point of this religion. To help you develop your own personal relationship with God.
Don’t agree with what I am saying during service, that is fine, those are just MY beliefs, you are supposed to find your own. This is faith based, meaning you should not believe just what you are told to. You have to listen to what people say and think about it. Then listen to your own faith and see what you believe deep down.
Please do not bring your agnostic/atheist “logical” arguments. Everyone knows them and we are tired of hearing about them. I know that some people have given agnostics and atheists a lot of grief for their lack of belief and they lash out at those who believe with the same lame arguments. If you have no belief, don’t show. If you do, you will always be welcome. And if you already believe something but have questions, feel free to join us. If later you decide to return or find another church, please feel free to continue on your individual spiritual path.
I was able to make my first conversion when I assured her that women would not be required to sleep with me. This isn’t a cult. She lives in Canada, so technically this is already an international church. Now you can say, “My church is international.”
If you are interested, we need to find a place to meet. Grab a pillow and join me on this spiritual journey.
