KinkyGirlRAWR's blog: "2022"

I was doing some research on SOD. It explains alot why I'm always sleepy, tired and drained. I sleep alot. It also explains the weight gain. Now that I know what exactly caused it. I can see what I could do about that, I can't cure the disease but I can do what I can about my health. 

Don't go harassing another person who's small or big. You have no idea what health issues they have. Think before you say anything rude, be supportive. 

A little about me. I have anxiety, I had social anxiety when I was a child, I was extremely shy, still am. I have not had this much anxiety before. It limits me to do certain things, I can't even order pizza on the phone, I do not work, I cannot work in public. I have days where I do not talk to anyone not even my family. 

I have major trust issues with people, my past exs abused me, physically and emotionally. I've bent backwards for people to help them and they treat me badly, and make it seem like I'm the bad person, and degrade me. I was posted on a degrading gossip site 4 or 5 times because dont like  how I look. Some have told me to go off myself because I'm so ugly and fat. I think alot of my anxiety too comes from the way I was raised, my dad is super strict, expected us kids to be perfect, and you couldn't make mistakes. I also was not exposed to certain things such as the water deep water, I am very afraid of deep water. I'm also terrified of birds. It goes on. So alot of it was how I was raised. I have a really hard time of letting things go, people who have been toxic to me, the way they treated me still haunts me, and what they say or think for me I still worry about it. I want to be free, I don't want to care what people think of me, but for someone like me it's really hard. It took me awhile to let go of my ex and stop checking his social media. Its embarrassing. I forgave him for the sake of my sanity and myself but I have not forgiven him for what he's done to me, and I never will. But I had to let go. 

I also was born with a condition called septo-optic dysplasia. A disorder of early brain development. Although its signs and symptoms vary, this condition is traditionally defined by three characteristic features: underdevelopment (hypoplasia) of the optic nerves, abnormal formation of structures along the midline of the brain, and pituitary hypoplasia. Symptoms can range from mild visual impairment to complete loss of vision. The midline of my brain is missing.

I also have a lazy eye, which could be connected to SOD. I seen a neurologist and he had informed me that decades from now I could be blind. Which scared me but who knows, I could have passed on by then. 

The condition that I have is rare. It's scary but apparently I can live a normal life with it, and can be very intelligent. I am very good at computers and what not. 

I am sorry to everyone, the way I am. It's not that I don't want to talk, or perhaps dont play games. I do, it's just difficult. My mind wanders, and there are times out of the blue I will burst into tears. If I come across rude in anyway, don't take it personally, and it doesn't excuse my behavior. I apologize now if it ever happens, I'm a good person. 

I am seeking therapy for my anxiety, before the last resort of medication my doctor suggested. Please bare with me as I am trying to figure myself out and be better. 

I bet you that someone I know who LOVEEES to screencapture my blogs and try to use them against me and harass me will be all over this. I really sont care, knock yourself out. I'm open and honest. I'm happy with who I am and I have a journey ahead of me. I have alot of friends and support. All toxicity is garbage and won't be tolerated. 

Hey all, so today I did alot of soul searching and trying to find myself.  I've came to s conclusion to let the toxic people go, forgive them for my sake, not fully forgive them but just to be at peace and let it go. You can never forgive what people have done to you. But you can certainly let it go. They burned their own bridges. But no one burning mine. I am a good and beautiful person. I lift and support people. I have a heart of gold. 

I also spoke to my hubby and he doesn't care that I have teasing NSFW pics on here, he even suggested that I should have NSFW pics but I'm no longer that kind of person and I am common law married. I told him I would not do that. But to the haters who belittle me for being on a site like this news flash. He don't care. He's actually happy I am. What matters most is at the end of the day who I am with ans that's him so take your two cents and shove it up your ass. Least my profile is honest and so am I.